My views on politics, life, death, the army, and other things too miscellaneous to mention here. This is a personal blog. This blog is 100% factual.
Bill Duckwing
Poet, Author, Journalist
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Your Super-Cute Daily Terror Alert Update Will Be Forevermore:
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"There are some myths and untruths surrounding the role God plays in our daily lives. To say that religion and politics do not mix, is certainly a myth, unless you ask a liberal. Anything that affects a Christian (and voting is one of them) — enters into the religious realm. Trying to separate the two is like trying to separate oil from a glass of water, it's impossible to do. "
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Thursday, July 31, 2003
Hiya
Today was great, man. Cool and breezy day, humidity down to almost zero. Actually almost kinda chilly. Don't you hate it when it's like susposed to be summer, and like God throws a weird ass chilly day at you? You know I do. It's like the El Nino crap that just won't die. Fucks your day up.
Here's a great pic of George W. Bush for ya:
I found a much better picture of him making today's speech on the Post, where he seemed to be clutching his ribs as he was sucking in air, but the WashPost took the picture down before I could save it to my hard drive (Bastards!), so I'm stuck with this picture, as Google (another pack of bastards) hasn't indexed the picture yet.
This is actually an inaugural for the Apple Coda, and for yours truly. This marks the first time that The Apple Coda (TM) has posted an actual picture of George W. Bush.
"The First of Many!" -so they say. (a few extra bonus points if you've played the video game this quote was derived from).
I'm really very, very sorry to say this. It completely detracts from my conservative peers, and man I hate it when I have to veer from dogma. But I have to say it, guys. Jesus. I don't know...
George W. Bush is a man with almost no convictions.
Y'know, when he says things like "we're all sinners, yknow..." -it's like he's emphasizing this and really saying (make sure you read this with a real thick Texas accent) "This hear's talking points, y'know, I mean it when I say this, but y'know, we're all sinners, and, dammit, I know I'm a real straight talker and all, but that really, really sucks!"
I mean, it's like, "What?"
I would totally have like 10 times more respect for him if I could convince myself that he actually had some ability to process information given to him, but I just can't.
I'm sorry, guys. I mean, it's not his politics. I love Pat Buchanan, man. He like totally rocks my political world. And Donald "Give 'em hell" Rumsfeld. And Dick Cheney. These guys were like the coolest guys on the political block back in the day. Ronald "Bedtime for Me!" Reagan. Could not get enough of that guy's soundbites in the '80's. He knew when to take a good nap from politics every once in a awhile. Making the world safe for corporate oligarchy and all that.
Rock on, cool conservatives.
Bush is not a cool conservative. And all the cool conservatives know it. Ask Grover Norquist. Ask Bob "I totally hate fucking William Jefferson Clinton" Barr. Ask Dick Army, and all the other paleo-conservative traitors who sold out to the ACLU. I heard Andrew Sullivan might be getting a bit uneasy about all of this, too.
Yikes.
All I'm saying is that Dubya better get his act together. Soon. Because if the Republicans decide to desert him come 2004, there just might be a the faint possibillity that he might not be re-elected.
Not saying he wouldn't. He still has the love and support of about 96.5% of the American people, recent polls show. Just that there's that possibility. Don't knock yourself out (or up) over it, man. Dude, chill. It's not the end of the world or anything. The terrorists haven't won just yet. Just a possibility, man.
-duckwing, at 12:14 AM
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Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Yo Yo Yo! Open Thread!
Guys, just go wacky here. I'm totally serious. Open thread!
Just go nutjob on me here. Knock yourselves out with your kookiness. Stylize yorselves off of this freaking planet. Open thread, here.
Go nuts.
Slam me, us, including yourself with your own insight. Think out your thoughts, then write your thoughts down.
People.
Yo. Open thread.
Natch.
-duckwing, at 10:03 AM
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J'accuse!
While it may surprise some of my loyal readers, I totally hate G.W. God, the man makes me sick! While Charlie Daniels may claim that some of us liberals would not go so far as to claim that he was responsible for the current state of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, I, Bill Duckwing, would definately go that far.
Intelligence reports say that the Bush Administration, pandering to corporate interests in the European tourist trade, is totally responsible for the current state of the current inclination of the Tower of Pisa.
So there.
-duckwing, at 12:13 AM
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Tuesday, July 29, 2003
How do you like them Apples
A weekly editorial from the guys that write The Apple Coda
Kevin Smith you've done us wrong!
Just finished watching the first hour of Daredevil. Couldn't watch the rest of it -it was just too horrible. It reminded me of "Good Will Hunting," another goddamn atrocity collaberated on by Ben Affleck. Ben seems to be the dung star of the moment. To wit:
"Pearl Harbor" -fucking horrible. I don't care what you say. Many were up in arms defending this thing -saying things like "Pearl Harbor was a work of a fucking genius!" You people can all go ahead and gag on those words, for all I care. I beg to differ with the "movie critics" on this one. Pearl Harbor was pukeable. Although I've never actually seen the movie, seeing clips of planes flying into aircraft carriers was more than this humble reviewer could endure. There is a war on terror going on, need I remind you. I think we could all deal with a little less stress in our lives, without things like virtual planes flying into virtual aircraft carriers.
Oh, and Ben Affleck comes back from the dead. What kinda of bullshit is that? How dare they! They bring us up, only to knock us back down on our asses again. Could you even come up with a more implausible situation?
He was also in "Chasing Amy," which was during his indie phase, which doesn't apply here. But "Chasing Amy" sucked, also, becaue it was about falling in love with a lesbian. Yeah, right. Stretch me crediblility a little harder here, guys. The lead, Ben Affleck, also writes comic books for a living, which brings me back to Daredevil.
Holy fucking cow.
The whole J Lo/Ben/Jennifer Garner situation reminds me of Abbot and Costello, except nobody knows who is susposed to be the straight man and who is susposed to be the funny one. Or maybe it reminds me of the new movie Sea Biscuit, just because it's been plugged so much that I can't think about anything without putting in a reference to this movie. It is a total work of genius. Please go see it. Just so they keep plugging it.
BTW, I heard it's the make it/break it movie for Toby Maguire. He dyed his hair red, to be more authentic for his character, and to the book. Toby Maguire is a character actor, not a method actor, a la Robert DeNiro. Go see this movie.
It's about a horse. The horse was a nobody. He pulled himself up by his bootstraps and won some races. Some people claim that it was impossible. If it wasn't for the combined influence of the geniuses of an owner, a trainer, a flamboyant jockey, and a horse who'd seen better days, Sea Biscuit never would've happened. Go see the movie.
I'm serious here. I wouldn't let you guys down. For America's sake, go see this movie. It's about an underdog, or an underhorse/trainer/owner/jockey. These are people/horses that had nothing going for them. But they teamed up, and lo and behold, they made some very daring racetrack ticket holders very very happy. Go see Sea Biscuit.
Anyway, we were talking about either Bob Hope or Kobe Bryant. I forget which.
Actually, we were talking about Sea Biscuit. Go see it. I'm totally serious. If your broke your leg recently, go hobble yourself into the theatre and see this movie. Because it's about an underdog, and if you're without a doubt an underdog, with a broken leg, holy cow, go see this movie.
It is so totally huge, it'll be a huge hit. A huge hit for underdogs with broken legs everywhere. You'll just totally crap your pants when you see it. A wonderful movie. Go see Sea Biscuit. It'll be great.
I think Kobe's gonna win this one.
I think Bob Hope might've lost this one. I'm not sure -last time I saw him was in a cameo role in "Spies Like Us." He was playing golf. He'd didn't look too happy about his situation.
But I dunno, maybe he hit par for the course.
-duckwing, at 11:44 PM
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Monday, July 28, 2003
The College Republican Convention is not Decadent and Depraved
My politics stems from a theoretic interest, rather than pratical interest. By this, I mean I have no interest in the roll-up-your sleeves get down and dirty town council brand of politics, which has always just struck me as kinda slimy and insincere. I like political platfroms, political thought, Political Action Commitees, etc. You can't trust a politician of any stripe, but you can trust a political thinker/analyst. Something like that.
Which brings me to liberals and why they essentially hate America.
Like it or not, but America has some bedrock prinicples, which have more or less stood the test of time. These principles include love of country, love of family, love of Jesus, cool Guns, cut-throat competetion, and unbridled capitalism. We are thus naturally distrustful of those who would seek to subvert or change these principles for their own gain.
From a totally theoretical point of view, this is exactly what Liberals seek to do in this country. They are the dissatisfied, the rebels, the miserable. They seek to change America, shake it from its very foundations, simply due to the fact that misery loves company. Uncontent with their own rotting visions of what's best for this country, they seek to corrupt and distort our own principles and values, and turn us into vile dittoheads sharing their own corrupt and twisted worldview.
Yikes.
This fact was brought home for me after going to the (sorry about the Salon link) College Republican Convention held in Washington DC last week. Many of the stalwarts of the Republican party were there to make the case that the Democrats hate America, including Tom Delay (R-Texas), Bob Barr, and Paul Erickson. Ann Coulter was noticeably absent, which added to my cred that she is a liberal plant to subvert the Republican party. They made some valid points, but it was former WWE wrestler Warrior who brought the party home for me.
"I used to love wrestling," he said, "back when it used to mean something. Back when it used to speak to the common man, rather than the lowest common denominator. When Hulk Hogan, who at the time commanded his audience with an almost Christ-like aura, would shout from the rafters: "It is a small country, but there are those that love it." Then he turned to Hollywood, and the WWF became the WWE, and women were allowed to wrestle again, and that, my friends, was the end of Professional Wrestling for me."
Warrior prepares to head butt yet another Democratic Liberal
There were many of us weeping openly by this point, and Warrior took the time to pause in his speech and look at each of us in the eye before continuing.
"We need leaders who are uncorrupted by Hollywood and blowjobs from interns. 'Judge not,' does not apply in this country. Because ye shall be judged. The Day of Judgement is upon us! Thank you very much!"
Well, you've been warned. Let this be a lesson to those what would dare to question or prejudge the President's decision on the whole Iraq situation. You will be judged on the Day of Judgement. You have eaten the apple from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. You have a choice. Please don't choose treason -please...
It occurs to me that maybe this whole College Republican thing might have rubbed off a little too much on me. If that's the case, I'm sorry. When Tom Delay, pointing out how out of touch Democrats are, said: "close your eyes and try to imagine Ted Kennedy landing that Navy jet." I totally snorted milk out of my own nose trying to imagine it. That would've been pretty funny, cause Ted Kennedy's an alcoholic, and the idea of some Senator totally coked up and drunk on Jose Cuevero Gold trying to land a jet on an aircraft carrier without any flight experience, y'know, that totally floored me. And then I imagined him crashing into the carrier, because he's so drunk and stupid and all, I mean c'mon he's fucking Ted Kennedy, and then the 9/11 implications crept up again, planes crashing into buildings, and Pearl Harbor, and I started weeping uncontrollably again, and then I realized that Democrats were traitors to their own country for even thinking about flying navy jets into aircraft carriers, every if they are drunk and coked up and...
Wow. Think I'll go take a nap right about now.
-duckwing, at 10:00 PM
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Sunday, July 27, 2003
For What it's Worth
Today was weird. Rather, it was a normal day but with one thing that happened that was so weird, that I've spent the rest of the day debating whether I have been living the whole day as a dream. Here's what happened:
We went to a nice little Italian restaurant over on 23rd, and were quickly sat at a table. Looking around, I noticed that the dining room was much bigger than I expected, as the room main room bent out into an "L" shape to accomidate more patrons. It was almost completely empty, except for a couple of couples sitting out by the windows.
The Waiter quickly took our drink orders and brought us some bread -he seemed to be the only guy serving that night, expect that I saw another guy on the other side of the "L" with no customers. Finally they seated a pair of guys over by the "L" and all was good. They looked similar, business like in suits, and both carrying a paper to read.
So I talked with my date for a bit, and things were going smoothly. The waiter brought us our drinks, took our food orders, and left. I looked over my date's shoulder to see the waiter returning with a pizza for one of the suit guys, and the other waiter brought the other guy a pizza. They thanked their waiters, and returned to their paper. I scrutinized them -something seemed odd. They looked a lot alike, and upon closer inspection, I decided that they were twins. They had to be -they looked too much alike. But something about these guys begged some questions: Why were they sitting abreast? Why did they both order pizzas?
At one point, they simultaneously folded their papers, and proceeded to take a slice of pie, both folding the pizza the exact same way, and both taking a bit out of it at the exact same time, and then setting the pizza slice down, and picking up their napkins to wipe their mouths with. Completely in sync.
This floored me. I was just getting accustomed to the fact that there was a pair of identical twins sitting across from me, abreast from each other, and reading their newpapers without paying attention to each other. To each to his own, I thought. Now I was watching these guys pull off some strange performance art piece for their own amusement, and...
I looked a little closer at this "L" shaped room. And I noticed that when the waiter returned to our table to ask if we need anything, I saw the other server walk by the twins at the same time, except this time he disappeared into the wall, and then I saw the waiter looking over at us eating the meal, and...
The twins were just one guy sitting next to a fucking wall mirror!
Doh!
Honestly, if I really was preoccupied with this beforehand, I would've put two and two together a lot more quickly. But since I didn't, I was simply incredulous. For about a half hour, I though this guy was a couple of twins sitting side by side, both reading a newspaper, and disinclined to talk to each other. Think about that -if this guy turned over to his reflection and started chatting him up, I would have noticed anything out of the ordinary.
Weird. Yeah.
-duckwing, at 10:12 PM
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Friday, July 25, 2003
The Greatest Generation
"It is genuinely incredible. The U.S. Treasury is empty, we are losing that stupid, fraudulent chickencrap war in Iraq, and every country in the world except a handful of corrupt Brits despises us. We are losers, and that is the one unforgivable sin in America.
"Big darkness, soon come. Take my word for it." -Hunter S. Thompson
That America's peak so far was World War II is so obvious that it's been taken for granted -has been kinda taken for granted. We almost look at World War II nowadays as just another footnote in a series of American successes. In my humble opinion, that thinking is just wrong.
The period of American history known as World War II was, to put it mildly, the only time in America's brief existence as a modern political nation in which we fought true and unabashedly for the cause of good against truly utterly corrupt and evil foreign power(s). It was the one case in which naive idealism fought a major battle against its oppressors and won. And it spawned a whole generation of idealists, who, in succeeding decades, either turned a blind eye to the American Dream's gradual corruption, or became incredibly disillusioned, like Hunter S. Thompson and the Beats in the 50's.
When I attempt to compare my ideology to my predecessors, I realize that I am hopelessly outmatched. I grew up in the fucking 80's, for gods sake. Post-Watergate. True, I grew up during the heyday of IRS records, Ronald Reagan, and the cynical New Comics boom. But, as someone completely infatuated with American History, it's hard to look at the past 30 years and not end up somewhat cynical of the way America has evolved since WWII.
Hunter believes that America has lost its moral ground that it claimed in WWII. It's not too hard to figure out where he got this impression. He was a kid during WWII, and it's easy to realize how the notion of Americans handing out candy bars and kindness to Holocaust survivors in Germany influenced how he thought Americans should be thought of throughout the world. But Vietnam, the Cold War, and various other things kinda fucked that worldview up for him, and for lots of other people.
Liberals want America to be a beacon for the world, altruistic and great. Truth is, we haven't quite reached that evolutionary standard yet. In quite a few ways, we're still fuck-ups, losers (Sorry, patriots...). But if you consider the fact that 500 years ago (quite a small step by evolutionary standards) we were still burning people for questioning the idea that the sun and the universe orbited around the earth, we've come somewhat of a long way, baby.
-duckwing, at 12:14 AM
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Tuesday, July 22, 2003
My Obligatory Kobe Bryant Coverage
Given the fact that this one story is rocking the free world right now, body slamming every competeing story into oblivion with it's ubiquitousness, I feel compelled to at least comment on it. Especially considering the fact that this story just might rock the NBA to it's very foundations, and with it, the World.
Here is my opinion, my immediate reaction to this story, right here, right now, so that the uniformed might just make an informed decision regarding the facts of the case. I'll provide the foundation, you decide. So here it is:
"Uhhhhhh.....okay."
Honestly, it might sound callous to you, humble reader, but I just don't care about this story. As an East Coasty, I don't give a damn enough about the LA Lakers to have an a real opinion about this. If it were Allen Iverson in Kobe's place, I'd curse the Gods for their cruel and unusual sense of humor. Cause Iverson is the real deal, and Kobe's just, well, y'know...
I say this because everyone used to think Kobe was the Next Big Marketing tool after Jordon. I think I knew this pretty early on, as when I worked on the beach as a carny 5-6 years back, the dude running the squirt guns race was always parroting around the prizes (these green plush stuffed space aliens with basketball jerseys), shouting things into his microphone like "How 'bout the Kobe Bryant space alien -bring a little Kobe Bryant space alien home with you for you and your family! Make those kids you forgot at home laugh, and those bosses you feel obliged to bring something back for them when you return to work swoon, with just one look at your Kobe Bryant space alien!"
I heard that little speech, or some variation of it, at least 200 times a day.
When I later watched Kobe and Shaq play up against teams a little too close to home, like Philly and the Nets, and after watching the Lakers inevitably kick the crap out of them, that's when I really started hating the LA Lakers (Phil Jackson is such a whore!). But, honestly, I've never cared enough about the Lakers that if or when they beat a team Sacramento or San Antonio or Detroit or whatever, I'd be ripped. Just disappointed. I'm a regional fan (although I live DC right now, I also couldn't care less about the Wizards, so maybe this point is a bit pointless) -and if you mess with Philly or the Nets, you're on my shit list.
But what was the point? Oh yeah, Kobe Bryant.
All I got to say is that Kobe has it all wrong if he wanted this to be OJ part deux (I'm kidding around, of course. I'm pretty sure he doesn't.). Shedding a tear while holding your wife's hand isn't going to work with the news media quite as effectively as leading the police on a grand chase after leaving a heartwarming note asking the public to remember "the old Kobe."
Sorry Kobe, you failed that test.
So is Kobe innocent or guilty?
Actually, I remember my little bit of subversion that I participated in after the jury's verdict in the OJ trial. I wrote on the dry erase board outside the door to my dorm room "OJ is innocent! Praise the Lord!" in the morning before going to my classes. When I returned, of course, my door was completely covered with shaving cream, and my opinion of the verdict was replaced with "You fucking faggot!" -the shaving cream of choice was the Gel style (fortified with Vitamin E), which had just become popular, and which is also much harder to scrub off than the more typical Barbasol foam at the time.
So I'm just going to play it cool, and chalk it up to experience, and the fact that Philly could kick the crap out of LA any day of the week. No doubt about it.
So there.
-duckwing, at 12:23 AM
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Friday, July 18, 2003
All Hell Breaks Loose in the House
 
Good old fashioned anarchy erupted in the House today over last minute changes to a pension appropriations bill by the House Ways and Means Committee, resulting in a police presence, and House members resorting to calling their constituents "fruitcake," "freak," "manic-depressives whose only claim to sanity is a daily regiment of Prozac," "Fonz," and "evil temptresses from hell." Which incited much violence and looting from the public in the galley today.
"It wasn't a day in which the dialogue among us met the responsibility of governance," said Rep. Nancy Johnson, R-Conn. Which incited Rep. Chris Van Hollen, D-Maryland, to scream, "Why, you grassroots pandering whore!" before dumping a drum of tar over her and ripping open a bag of feathers.
The most over-the-top performance came from Rep. Pete "Starks" Stark, who called for a recess of Democrats to an undisclosed location. There he formed a commitee of his Democratic colleages to plan the next move in order to thwart the last minute changes to the bill, but then complained loudly about the fact that the houseplants in the room seem to have not been watered "in at least a fortnight." According to Democratic Congressmen involved, there were no house plants present in the chamber.
In order to have a quorum, Rep. William "Bill" Thomas was forced to teargas the chamber and place all the Democratic reps under House arrest, to facilitate the ordering of a vote on the previous question.
"For the record, I would like the transcript to bear out," Attorney Bill Kunstler, representing the Democrats, said, "that the defendent Pete Stark is bound and gagged to his chair during these proceedings. Without representation, I might add, as Stark has requested the discontinuation of both mine and Mr. Weinglass' services."
The galley erupted into madness at this point, drowning out the proceedings. Bill Thomas finally demanded a to call for order, and also, a call for everyone to have a nice weekend and to take a good nap.
-duckwing, at 9:43 PM
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Lunch Breaks and Naps
Like a few of our past and current Presidents, the keys to success for me during my hectic work week must include a generous helping of power lunch breaks and power naps.
I cannot stress this point enough. The art of the expense account power lunch is a fine art, requiring skillful lobbying of congressional staffers to increase funding for "Miscellaneous Expenses," as well as being almost fanatically organized, to schedule and finalize appointments for the best and most expensive raw bar caterers in the DC area to serve your lunch.
As tough as this sounds, taking a nap during work can be the worst. Just nodding off during your bi-weekly department meeting isn't enough. Napping is best done right after lunch, when you can usually sleep it off in the rec room while your co-workers are too preoccupied by "getting back to work" to notice the empty seat at your cubicle.
Some are able to get away by sleeping for a hour or so right at their desks, curled up in their swivel chairs or slumped over the latest issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA). Some of your newer co-workers might report you, but don't worry, cause those people are way too intense for their own good -they take on too much work to make a good impression on their boss, and are thus inevitably fired when they make a serious mistake from their own cummulative stress.
Which brings me to my own almost recent firing. Generally I'm a pretty accountable guy, but a delay on a muscle biopsy totally fucked my day. I was susposed to cut the muscle up and measure the impulses generated from the tissue by shocking the tissue repeatedly with electrical pulses. The pulses register on an oscilloscope. When exposed to certain chemicals, like Postassium Chloride, the muscles will increase their twitching and the pulses will intesify. If they intensify enough, you can clinically diagnose the guy as having a really weird muscle metabolism.
The key word, though, is Dose Dependent. That means that you keep increasing the concentration of a certain chemical at certain intervals until the muscle freaks out from overexposure. If you mess it up, you can't make the diagnosis.
So, of course today I screwed it up by mistakingly adding too much too soon, which prevented an obvious diagnosis.
Muscle biopsies are not fun -no doctor is going to say to a patient "Well, sorry, but our researchers fucked up their experiment, so we need to take out some more of leg muscle." That ain't going to happen.
My supe screamed at me when I reported the bad news, taking out the drawers from his desk and emptying their contents out onto the floor for emphasis. "Read the directions! God Damn, Mother Fucking, Shit!"
But luckily, we were able to get a curve from the data we had, and interpolate the data to come up with a diagnosis.
The point? Well, first of all, it was the hospital's fault. They didn't even do the biopsy until 11am, and usually we get it in by 8:30am. So I ended up sitting around -and I couldn't even take a nap. And this also pushed my power lunch break up to about 4:00 in the afternoon, since the research takes about 4 hours to do. So I guess faliure was inevitable.
Don't mess with lunch breaks and naps. It'll only hurt your company in the end. And don't mess with Texas.
-duckwing, at 12:31 AM
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Wednesday, July 16, 2003
The Rumors of my Death have been...
To my loyal regular readers, all two of you, I apologize profusely for my absence for the past week. Things have come up, and despite the fact that this has been one of the best weeks in the news since the whole War thing, I've haven't had the time nor the inclination to comment on them recently.
I spent the weekend apartment hunting -looking for a share in DC. My initial inquiry led to about 5 responses, which I checked out over weekend. I'm not really particular about a place, only that it be: 1.) cheap, 2.) within 2 miles of a Metro station, 3.) air conditioning, and 4.) Have a room big enough to put a bed in. That's all.
To make a long story short, I did find a place in DC with large room, 2 blks from Metro, and pretty cheap as far as shares go nowadays, I guess.
In the irreverent observations department, I'd also like to comment on a show on Comedy Central that I was kinda watching tonight. The TV in my Apartment that gets Comedy Central is in my bedroom -the TV in my living room has a cable box that filters out everything except basic and HBO. Usually I just turn on the TV in my bedroom to watch the Daily Show at 11, but today I was bored so I turned it on at 10 to check what was on -and Gary Busey (at first I thought it was Nick Nolte) was hanging out in a sandbox playing around with trucks with some other dude. It was weird -the only thing Busey was saying was "Imagination, imagination, there's a part of our minds that needs to be like children." I couldn't really tell whether it was just an intentionally weird put-on thing, or kinda like a tounge in cheek reality Grade Z celebrity reality TV show ala Anna Nicole. But the phone rang, so I got temporarily distracted.
When I got off the phone, the show was still on, and again, Busey was saying "imagination, imagination, it's so important...hey, where's my hat!" -stuff like that. While the other guy (I'll just assume he's the comedic host of the show) just looked at him, silently with an open mouth, as if he was in pain. Like I said, it's on Comedy Central, so my best guess after watching about two minutes of this show is that Busey was just acting intentionally foolish. But then again, I said to myself, what would I do if I were a Grade Z celebrity given a TV show? And an expense account?
Well, I guess ideally I'd probably just hang out at the Playboy Mansion most of the time, with occasional forays as a guest "friend" on the Anna Nicole show, just so Hef would know my "credit" was good. But who knows? Maybe I'd become a bona fide performance artist/actor, like Busey, and guest on a show named after me.
So, a toast, to new beginnings, and to all the Grade Z Hollywood rock starz in the world with reality TV shows. Cheers.
-duckwing, at 1:00 AM
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Thursday, July 10, 2003
And a Littany of Things to Blog About!
I really don't have anything specific to seriously blog about tonight. It seems to me that the key to good blogging is to keep some kind of coherent point or topic in mind to rant, whine, or just plain comment about, but nothing is really going on out on the web, or anywhere else for that matter, to warrant as a theme for tonight's post. I heard on C-SPAN that the House of Representatives are going to try to dismantle the Depts of HHS (Health and Human Services) and Education, and maybe cut some Social Security benefits as well, but most of the bloggers haven't really commented on that today, so I'm just going to assume that it was a lucid hallucination, and call it good.
Life has been a little stressful, lately. Not only is my boss actually trying to convince me to do my job while I'm at work, but I am also completely fed up with my daily commute on the sub to work, which takes about 3 hours round-trip. (Actually, nobody really calls the DC Metro the "Sub" -that's just my made up hipster slang for it, which incidently is also a leading indicator for schizophrenia. Dang!) Actually, I know from reading "Dr. Gridlock" in the WashPost (there it is again! Slang!) that some brave souls out there will commute 6 hours roundtrip for some reason, and then write letters to "Dr Gridlock" complaining about it, and that's great. Very Partriotic. My point is just that I've been doing this for about 2 years now, and I starting to get sick of it.
Also listening to the Dead Kennedys pretty rabidly lately. Taking their CD's to work and blasting it from my CD player as I do my lab work whilst listening to "Too Drunk to Fuck" and "Let's Lynch the Landlord" has been my mild subversion for the week, although the only complaint I've heard from my coworkers is to turn it down a bit. That, and my super duper lab assistant Slinks McB asked me:
"What are you listening to?"
"Dead Kennedys..."
"Who are they?"
"Nevermind...Get back to work."
So, I'm a punk right now. I guess. I guess it's good way to deal with the stress:
Stress Checklist:
Breaking up with live-in girlfriend?
Check.
Terminating lease to move out in two weeks (fourth new residence in two years...)?
Check.
Repeated warnings of Red alert Summer heat with threats of tornados every two minutes?
Check.
Gnats that "love" the current humidity and swarm around and bite me as I make my 15 minute walk from the Metro station to work every day?
Check.
President Bush's appeal to the people of Liberia?
Well, y'know...
Given the fact that I really don't have any new things to really blog about recently, I've thought a bit about backtracking and finishing up some loose threads that I promised I would finish up in previous posts, but of course never did. Maybe I'll do that. No promises (wink)...
-duckwing, at 12:49 AM
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Wednesday, July 09, 2003
MSNBC Drops the Ball on Michael Savage
I'm not going to really gloat on this, because it's not really my style. But it was a twin victory for opponents of Michael Savage's "unique" (I guess) brand of politics when he was almost simultaneously fired by NBC for calling gays "sodomites" and adding "I hope you get AIDS and die" and also having his case against SavageStupidity, MichaelSavageSucks, and soon to be Take Back the Media, for "misleadingly appropriating his name", thrown out of court.
I don't really know what this means for the left. Given that most conservatives are teaming to gang up on some of the right wing's more fascist zealots (see: pretty much every review written about Ann Coulter's "Treason"), whilst also going to great lengths to bash counterparts of the left wing as being in the same vein (Michael Moore being the most common for the time being), I tend to think it's just evidence that the US isn't sinking into fascist ideologies quite as fast as others think, more than an actual bona fide win for the left. (If you think I'm a bit too pessimistic about today's lefties, I do credit the propolsion of Dean to the front ranks to the Democratic primary race to be due solely the efforts of the left, so there!)
I'm not exactly sure what MSNBC had in mind when they decided to put Michael Savage on the air. I tend to think that most networks are trying to generate profit in the short term, rather than thinking about the long lasting after effects of their decisions. NBC probably feels that some sort of irreverent right-wing fascism can generate revenue for them, as long as they don't as a network endorse their ideologies, but neglect to realize that if they had given Joe McCarthy a show in the fifties, or Henry Ford or Adolph Hitler in the 30's, they'd be out of buisiness right now.
But, y'know, controversy used to generate viewership. That was the mindset and the chief meme a few years ago anyways. If that doesn't work anymore, what's our future going to be like? That's the question. We're in a transition phase right now, and nobody really knows what's going to happen.
Anyway, I'd like to say groovatis in particular to Michael Savage Sucks for giving a link to me, and for providing most of the inspirato and material (the restaurants, the Allen Ginsberg connection) needed to write my Appropriate Michael Savage post (See the Restaurant review a few posts below), and of course to Neal Pollack, for the whole idea itself.
-duckwing, at 12:18 AM
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Monday, July 07, 2003
Quiz Time!
Quizzes, for some reason, are an integal part of the internet. Not only are they ubiquitous to most of the blogs I've come across, there are also whole websites (Quizilla, Emode, etc.) that are devoted to helping you figure out who the hell you are. So I've decided to join the bandwagon with this simple, one question quiz. No javascripted results here -for this quiz you just take out your old number 2 and calculate for yourself just how cool or awful a person you really are. So here you go:
Q: When I think of President George W Bush, I tend to think he's:
a. The End of Civilization
b. An evil soul sucking serpent with the head of a baby.
c. A man whose picture should be added into the New Testament canon.
d. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I am dead to this world.
e. The surrogate son of Billy Graham.
f. The best thing that's happened to this country since Bill Clinton.
g. A guy that should've pissed off his father buy "rebelling" and joining an Austin, TX bar band in the 70's.
h. I am confused by this test/all of the above.
Scoring: Give yourself one point if you answered "a", two points for "b" -etc. Then, figure out your birthday in this format: mo/dy/yr. So if you were born on January 1st, 1982, your birthday would be recorded as follows: 01/01/82. Then, just add up the all the single digits: 1+1+8+2=12. Then sum the single digits of 12, which would be 1+2=3 (I know this is pretty complicated). Then if, for example, you answered "d" in my little quiz -add that number to your birthday sum, so 3+4=7. Seven would be your personal numerical value. Got it?
This numberical value is your numerological personality. It is the value that reflects your attitudes of yourself, and of other people. It is your lifepath number. Use it wisely, but feel free to trump it around to annoy people if you wish...
-duckwing, at 12:32 AM
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Saturday, July 05, 2003
O.A.R Summer Tour
O.A.R. is going to be touring their asses off this summer. If you guys haven't heard of them yet, they are probably the best live band in America right now, and they actually give you a chance to hear every one of their recorded songs online with their streaming media player on their website.
OAR is one of the most important bands that have come out of the last ten years. And since this summer they're pretty much touring every major city (including Meriweather Post Pavilion in DC) in the country this summer, so you should check them out.
-duckwing, at 11:44 PM
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Thursday, July 03, 2003
Independence Day
Besides New York City, Boston, Philadelphia, and certain parts of the Midwest, I really can't think of a better place to check out the Fireworks than on the National Mall in DC. But securtiy is going to be tighter this year than it's ever been, so keep on your toes. And, if you're planning on taking Metrorail, keep it together, because there's going to be some changes to the normal system.
1.) The Blue line will be turning into the traditional Yellow line (From Huntington), except it will end at Rosslyn, a traditional Blue line route, rather than following it's traditional course through DC to Addison Rd. The Yellow line, therefore, will be servicing the traditional Blue line stations (from Franc-Springfield), excpet at the Pentagon station, it will switch tracks and then follow it's normal daily course to Mt. Vernon Sq.
2.) The Orange Line, thankfully, will be running twice as many trains, except at Stadium Armory Station, where it will spilt in two and follow separate paths to both New Carrolton and Addison Rd. This should royally confuse tourists trying to make their way back to Prince Georges County.
3.) The Red Line will be the same as it ever was.
4.) Smithsonian station will be closed (this is the same thing that happened last year). Expect crowds and delays from most downtown stations close to the Mall, as well as security checks the closer you get to the Mall.
5.) Lots of luck finding Metro accessable parking.
Here's the map.
Anyway, I won't be posting tomorrow, so enjoy the holiday, whether it's checking out the big Works, or just chilling at a barbeque with some friends.
Have Fun!
-duckwing, at 11:41 PM
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Tuesday, July 01, 2003
The View from my Balcony Would Be Great if there Wasn't so Much Stuff Obstructing It
I consider myself lucky to live in an expensive high rise apartment building with a balcony. It's great to step out to relax and reflect on life's finer things, except when there's a huge tree ten feet away that obscures the street and the city skyline.
But there's still the right hand side, and you know, you can look over to the right and watch the hustle bustle of the peeps on the street, bartering with the commercial newspaper and mag vendors on the street cause they just have to get their daily fix of The Washington Times, or the National Review, or whatever. Or just a hot dog. But you can't, because there's a high rise in the way, bigger and tougher than the best that you're angle of vision can ponder. And so you're fucked.
The view from my balcony around 3:00 pm -I going to have to demand that they cut that tree down someday
But not quite, cause they still allow you to access the roof. Now the roof is tricky, because they only allow people to access it 9am-Midnight, which generally rules out any fun. Plus you have to have a key to access the roof, which limits enjoyment of the roof to residents and their guests.
But, despite these inconviencenes, the roof is a party waiting to happen. They have solid wood floors made out of oak or mahogany, or some other kind of wood hard enough that you don't have to worry about your footing. Plus, they have a couple of cast iron tables and chairs, for a picnic, or to talk about stuff, and really nice cast iron reclining chairs, for making out, beachcombing, or just lighting up that big fat J you've been saving up since New Year's. You just gotta be careful, though, cause people from the other buildings might see you if they're looking out their windows, and...
What? Yeah, that's right, and there's no view. My apartment building is just a little guy compared to the towering behemoths that surround it. They're at least ten-fifteen floors taller than my baby, so don't expect to see anything cool up there. And looking down sucks too, cause they have all those fucking trees guarding the building, and blocking out any view of the street, too.
To conclude this little foray, I'd like to say that I was in a good mood this week, until I was hit by a triple entente of suckiness today. That's it -just three gripes, and I'm outta here:
1.) Montgomery County Council approves ban on smoking in bars and restaurants, 9-1 (from Washington Post Metro Sec)
-You know, I can understand this happening in New York City, if only because I don't happen to live there. Fuck New York's problems, I say. But I happen to work in Montgomery County, so this kinda puts a damper on my Happy Hour spirit. Montgomery County is also overwhelmingly liberal, and this is exactly what happens if you elect liberals to office. In my home state of Virginia, even if they don't like gays all that much, if some guy even suggested a smoking ban anywhere, the county gov't would take the asshole out behind the barn and shoot him.
2.) Dennis "Fucking" Miller
-Not to go into a rant here, but I really don't have much left to say about this guy. Just that, if somebody knows who hit Dennis Miller over the head repeatedly with the monkey wrench, I'd like the read the expose -just 500 words, no more.
3.) My View.
-It sucks. See above.
-duckwing, at 9:44 PM
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